I've been thinking about how my perspective on life has *gratefully* changed, expanded, and improved so much over the last 10-15 years of my life. I grew up in Loomis, CA...little bitty fabulous town of 6,000 people. I moved twice growing up, but remained within about 20 minutes of each house and never had to switch schools after kindergarten. I remember going off to college and meeting people who grew up in the military and thinking how AWFUL it HAD to have been to move so often and how their social lives MUST have been entirely awkward, and how dysfunctional they would OBVIOUSLY turn out to be without having deep roots anywhere. (Stay with me here...)
Fast forward to marrying Dallas. If you haven't heard the story, here's the gist...we dated. I can be a head case. He's the most patient man on the planet...these are both true and accurate statements, for the record. However, I had the deepest spiritual confirmation of my life so far, that at the infant age of 20, without a doubt, marrying Dallas was the best decision for my path in life at that time. Side note shout out to my homies from Loomis....Hey Jazz, Nellie, Hilary, Maggie...and any others that were present...as a 14 year old, I was making a list one day in church of all the qualities I wanted in my future husband. I remember feeling awkward as everyone finished their lists LONG before me...but I was quite proud of my 35+ items. I lost the list over the subsequent years, but in sorting my things prior to our wedding I found it folded up amongst some old papers. I read through it and Dallas miraculously matched EVERY SINGLE item on that list. Every. Single. One. I actually displayed it at our reception for proof. :) I only share this because I think God knows about the head case part I mentioned earlier, so he looks for little ways to give me logical evidence among the emotional pieces that help me reason AND feel my way through life. Writing out our dreams, our aspirations, our ideas, and our thoughts not only gives us a way to express our desires, but it sort of creates a vulnerability in putting it out there that we hope for something in faith, go to work to find it, knowing it's completely possible to fail miserably. But I believe the physical act of putting our thoughts vulnerably onto paper with all of our hopes in tact, creates more opportunity for us to watch miracles meet up with us on our path. It doesn't always turn out that way, but when it does, all of the failed attempts fade into the background of the beautiful woven tapestry before us.
I provide this background because it's a fun fact, but also to make a point. I have great spiritual and intellectual reasons to back up my big life decision at a young age. However...change is something that happens to all of us, either by design or default, and it can lift us or strangle us. I've only received creative inspiration like 5 times in my life (working on it...maybe I should write that down!) and I wrote this little poem for Dallas for Valentine's Day before we got married...I'm sharing it because of how it corresponds with my previous and subsequent thoughts.
Surprises are a part of life, I've learned this to be true
When we think we've got life figured out, we're thrown something new.
Then, we begin to think all our planning is for naught,
But when we open up to change, there is so much we are taught.
When we don't know what we're missing, it's easy to assume
That whatever the surprise is, there just isn't any room.
Then someone comes along in life and takes you by surprise
And you're willing to see the world through someone else's eyes.
It's the first time that I've realized this is what life's all about;
To live, learn, risk and love...and maybe take a different route.
Fears that were so evident before, seem so distant now.
It is amazing, but to explain it, I simply don't know how.
Sometimes words aren't enough to explain just how I feel,
But I have no question in my mind, that what this is, is real.
Although so unexpected, I'm enjoying my surprise
That's changed my perspective and my heart and helped me realize
That sometimes when we least expect it, we're blessed with someone new
And I couldn't be more grateful, for my surprise was you!
China has provided the perfect combination for me in this little sliver of this season of my life to strip myself of the fluff and reflect on my core. I think back to my unenlightened judgments based on limited life experience and immaturity. I think forward to the woman with vision I want to become. And in this gap in between, I'm realizing how beautiful life is when we are OPEN. Open to suggestions, open to change, to love, to ideas, cultures and opinions. After marrying Dallas, my expectations upon us both finishing school were to find a place to "settle down" by working hard together to find joy in our careers and our family. We've been married 10 years. China is our 7th move. So much for "roots"...or so I thought. But the intention and pieces of our lives that we thought were good have been blessed, refined, tried, shaped and sculpted into what God knew from the start would be better. And it is better than I'd ever imagined. Our roots look different than the roots of my childhood, than those of my earlier expectations. They are not "better" or "stronger" than those who've not chosen a life of moving and constant change, but they are better for Dallas and Ashley Stahle. I see such beauty and unexpected insight in that poem, and I'm glad I recorded my thoughts back then. At first, I wrote it for the man I've loved more than any other human on this planet. And over the years as I've read it on different occasions, it's been meaningful to me in new places, new relationships, new experiences and new perspectives. To you military kids I judged in college...I get it...not in the same way, because my life is different, but perspective is gained when change is welcomed AND shunned. It's just prettier when it's welcomed. And way more fun!
We've got lots of great pictures of our changes below. Hope you enjoy them! Love to all! :)
PS. Spoiler alert...Brie is going to Bolivia! We all got to call in when she read her call, but I forgot to put it on the video. Woohoo Brie!
